Yes, this is a picture of me. I am standing by my field where my sheep are grazing in the distance. I am wearing a hat and sweater that I made from their wool. They are registered Icelandic sheep. In just having the farm and in learning how to work with their wool, it has been extremely healing for me in all that I have been through.
It was not always like this. I feel that I have lived many different lives to get to the point where I am now. I have fought many battles over the years and have found my peace at last! I will try to summarize as much as I can so as not to bore you, but I am a novelist after all! Even my texts are long based on the complaints from my friends!
Anyways, I was born in New Jersey. I do not recall much at all of those days since my parents moved back to New England when I was only a few months old. They then moved, based on my father's job in insurance to Rhode Island and then finally to Massachusetts where I spent most of my life. There is not really much to note of my childhood, except that it was wonderful! My mother was an art teacher who commuted to Rhode Island to teach and my father rose up in the insurance ranks at Quincy Mutual from Manager, to Assistant Vice President of Claims to Vice President of Claims. I owe much to them since I was raised in a wonderful loving home. My father and mother provided well for us and there was much stability in my childhood. My mother would test her art projects on my younger sister and I and my father taught us valuable work ethics. I also used to love talking insurance wiith him (it eventually became my career later on in life). With my mother, she established in us a love for art and Broadway shows and to appreciate the beauty in life. With my father, he taught us stability, honor and ethics. Both taught me valuable skills which I ended up needing desperately once outside of my happy bubble of a childhood. I was pretty much sheltered from the horrors outside of our loving household and was pretty shocked when I ventured outside to have that cushy bubble burst right in my face-violently. I was raised seeing the good in all things-which is wonderful and all, but it left me blind to the bad elements out there. I am more than thankful in how I was raised and it helped make me who I am and enabled me to endure the tough times in my life that lay ahead of me.
My father always told me that it was okay to be a princess, however, when I grow up, I should have the skills to manage and support that on my own! Good thing he taught me that-since I relied on that advice pretty much my whole adult-hood so far! When I was little, all I could think of was becoming a writer and an artist. However, realistically, he reminded me that those were great skills to have, but I also needed to learn skills that would immediately put food on the table. Being an artist was somthing to never give up on, but it would be wiser to keep it on the back burner while I learned a skill that would support those endeavors. My parents never stopped encouraging me, they just knew me better than I did and I sincerely appreciate them for that!
In school I had always done well, though I was often teased for it at the public schools of my town of Plainville. I was picked on quite a bit and was even traumatized in elementary school where I had to see a councelor. It certainly humbled me that is for sure. In junior high it was extremely bad where I was beat up on almost a regular basis! I was told by those in later years after we grew up, that they teased and tormented me because I was an easy target! I cried all too easily! Well, due to this, I went to Foxboro High School where I met alot of people and kind of got into the wrong crowd. I was having so much fun in making friends, that I cause a bit of trouble for my parents (I would often skip school to get a tan!). To make a long story short-my parents left a uniform on my bed to the local Catholic School one day after I returned home from the Foxboro school I went to! I was horrified. However, once I transferrred there to Bishop Feehan High School in Attleboro- I had found a home. Very reluctantly at first. For there I was appreciated for my academics. It was certainly the saving grace for me and I am very thankful for all of the wonderful teachers and fellow students there. I graduated back in 1988. I know that ages me to a few of you. But that is okay. I do not have any issues with my age, I dont try to hide it for I have earned it! Back then I was not as serious by far in my academics as I have been in the pst 20 years! I did what I had to and was determined to live the bohemian life of an artist! However, my teachers saw the potential in me and never failed to encourage me for which I am truely thankful for! What they say is true, "Youth is wasted on the young!". I was certainly not sincere back then in my studies and I truely, in retrospect, wish I had been. For my path would not have been so long and difficult! But, I do not regret any decisions that I made back then, no matter how harsh, in that they led me to who I am today-One tough cookie! :)
I encountered some roadblocks in life even back then for I had lost a lot of people that were close to me and it was traumatizing to me and shattered my sheltered life. I had lost close friends in car accidents (Michelle Petit, David Andrews and Trisha Whiteman), a cousin to a motorcycle accident (Peter Picard), a friend to suicide (Douglas Dickerman), to name but a few. I even lost a best friend to asthma named Julie "Spongie" Silvernail (We had become close after high school). Not, to mention close family members like my grandfather, Lawrence Jewett, my great uncle, Donald Jewett, My two uncles on my father's side; Donald and Speed Desruisseaux and my Meme Desruiseeaux. It made me realize that life was short and could be taken away without any notice. I appreciated my friends and family much more than ever before. I had even developed an avid interest in my family geneology, which I studied thoroughly in later years when I was older. I learned to appreciate my life and strived to appreciate each moment allowed! I started at that point to live each day as if it could be my last! I embraced life from that point on! Yes, it got me into trouble, but it made my life very full as a result. I never broke the law, I paid my taxes on time and have raised my children and have provided loving and stable homes for them. So, I live life to the fullest that I am capable of without missing a beat in all that I am responsible for. It is possible you know! For I learned to tackle life head on and to get all I could from it. I was even diagnosed with having Bipolar Disorder. Back then they were handing it out like candy-like they are today with ADHD. My reactions to life were normal for someone who has suffered loss, had been beaten up in school, and had suffered abuse and neglect in marriage. Yet, through all of my normal emotions in my reactions to what life threw at me-I managed the stability I just mentioned-hardly someone with BiPolar Disorder huh? I had since been to many notable Psychiatrists who changed that diagnosis to situational depression. Which I have long since learned skills to defeat for the most part. I am a sensitive artist and writer and my emotions have been normal for what I have gone through. My ex-husband constantly tries to discredit me with that ancient and long-since abandonned diagnosis! He still does. I certainly have a case for slander against him with this! That any many other cases. I will get to this later on.
After I graduated, I went to Southeastern Massachusetts University in Dartmouth. I was a fine arts major. However, I had so much fun in finally being on my own, that I had a rough time taking my classes seriously! I did not realize that business classes would have helped my dreams back then. So, I stupidly dropped out! I came home and roomed in the basement of my parent's house. I went to classes at Fisher Junior College working on my Early Childhood Growth and Development Certificate. I had worked at the YMCA for so many years after being a camper at Camp Elmwood at the Hockamock YMCA, for the camp and then for the daycare at the YMCA in high school. This was in North Attleboro. I was also in the Leaders Club there. I had thought that a career in working with children would be fun. Not so, for I wanted to make more money that it allowed. I did still have my princess ways. And then I became determined to go to Europe!
After I graduated, I was upset that my parents would not give me a trip to Europe like alot of the other kids at school! I told my father that I would do it-I would earn the money myself! He laughed (I know now that it was meant specifically as I took it-to provoke me into action about it!) Which I did! I was lucky enough where my parents owned a condo in Wells, Maine. So, I packed up my things and lived there and found two jobs in Perkin's Cove for the summer. I proceeded to work 18 hour days and took Sunday's off to lie on the beach for rest! At the end of the summer I earned enough for my father to book me two tours. One of Europe on the Continent and the other to Great Brittain! I was there for two months! I had also discovered while there that I was pregnant! I was only 19! I went on the pill before dating him and it did not work-obviously! I decided to keep the baby and she is now in college herself! Her name is Alexaundra. She was my inspiration to get my life in order. For at the moment I realized that I was to become a mother-I decided to have a definate goal in my life. I went to my Dad and asked him for my advice. On his advice, I went to Fisher College and worked hard on my degree for paralegal studies. I was serious now, for I wanted to give my daughter a new life and to provide well for her as my parents had for me. Her father was not too cooperative in the beginning. His name is Steven Hall. I had to chase him for any help at all. It was humiliating. Especially since he was my first love and to find out that he was dating other girls as well when he was dating me. It hurt and humbled me. But, I moved on. I used that anger in a constructive way. I was determined to support my daughter on my own very well with or without his help. I studied so hard and took on extra clases for an accelerated degree to graduate with honors! Another goal accomplished. I used my trip to Europe as a sounding board for the rest of my life. For I kept it close to heart that if I could do that-I could do anything! It worked! From then on, I put all I could into everything I did. I met Jim Wilkinson when Aundra was only 8 months old and I thought that he was the one! In three months we were engaged and then married in September of 1991.
It was wonderful in the beginning. We had made our home in the basement of my parents house. We both were in school back then. Jim was studying to be a chef at Johnson & Wales. And before I went to Fisher College, I studied hard for my certificate for Travel, Tourism & Hospitality at the Sawyer School in Pawtucket, RI. I graduated from there with honors and even got a very cheap Honeymoon to Jamaica with it and brought Jim of course!. I never did anything with it, again, since I ws determined to make more money to provide better for my household. So then, I went to Fisher College. With that degree I gained a job at a Lawfirm in Brockton at the Law Offices of Vincent P. Cahalane as a paralegal. I worked with his daughter, Julie. She taught me alot. I eventually became pregnant with Jacqui back in 1993 and decided to venture out with my own business as a paralegal and kept them on as one of my primary clients for seven years. Jim, by then had revealed his true colors in not being husband material and I perservered through it trying to make things work. He could not hold a job as a chef at the Sheraton so my fathr got him a job as an Insruance Adjuster. He made good money in those day, though I rarely saw any of it. I had to go after my own husband in court for him to support the household! He hid all of his money! It was embarrasing and humiliating! An order was granted for him to do so. Unfortunately, this order was the one the courts referred to for Jacqui-who was not even born yet! It was to pay me money for the household and for Aundra. The child support was for $75 a week. That is what they use for today! This was the amount the court deemed that Jim should pay for Aundra, since her father was not in the picture then. I filed for divorce and he constantly begged to return to the household. Jacqui was born in 1993 and he did little even then to contribute to the household despite the very good salary that he was making! He stole money from the account and never paid any share of the bills or rent for that matter! He would take off to New Hamshire on party benders for days on end. I had miscarriages due to the stress of all of this. Finally, I had enough. I went out and purchased a house and added my father as a co-signer to prove a point. It was my funds that would be used for it, I had worked hard enough for it and with my father's help-I was finally able to move into my first home in Attleboro with Aundra, who was then 6 and Jacqui who was 3. I had a separate room for my office and had hired an assistant. I had done well for myself. I was tired of all I went through with Jim and the divorce was finalized in 1997.
Then I met Bill Packer. I should have known better when we met. We met at a sports bar on my birthday. I was with my friend who was supposed to be the designated driver, though she got plastered and I had to babysit her. Bill was with his friends and was the only one who was sober. I asked him when he told me that he was from my hometown of Plainville, if he knew a Bobby Packer. He responded with a question, "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" I said, "Bad! Very bad!". For Bobby teased me as a kid in Plainville. He told me that Bobby was his younger brother. I should have run then, but I did not. I thought I should give him the benifit of the doubt. He was very sweet. Not the type that I was nomally attracted to, kind of a "meat and potatoes" kind of guy. Simple. But, after Jim-I wanted simple. Not good when you go way beyond your gut instinct. I broke up with him at one point, but my family and friends said I was being way too harsh and that I should give it a try. My Mom was always pushing me to get married, saying that it was just not normal to raise kids on your own. Well, I gave him a chance and even agreed to marry him! All was going well at that point, I was sucessful in my business and had many established clients and Bill was starting a Corporation called "Carolina Development" For commerical construction. My father even helped him to incorporate it and sat on the Board of Directors. He bought a considerable amount of shares to help him start this venture. I even helped him financially as well. I wanted a big wedding which I had saved up for for several months. I had scheduled it at my church at Murray Unitarian Universalist Church in Attleble and had even got us a room for the reception at the Norton Country Club. Not cheap at all! I paid for almost everything out of my own money that I had earned. We had even booked a trip to Egypt for our Honeymoon! I had been planning this trip and saving up for it for quite a few years and thought maybe to use it for the Honeymoon-Bill agreed. Good thing! The trip was amazing! Unfortunately, I also discovered who he really was. He had put up a facade of fake in order to get me to marry him! With his true colors revealed, I filed for divorce.
That was the beginning of the horror with him. For he fought the divorce and made my life miserable. He started off with mental abuse and then worked his way to physical abuse. I had put him through all of the tests that I knew of before that point due to what I had been through with Jim. I had filed a few restraining orders on Jim and orders of neglect. Bill would not pay his share of the household either! He even stole the money I had in a registry at Foxboro Furniture for a beautiful dinning room table ($4,000) we had been given in the wedding for one of his jobs-I never saw a cent of that and came up with the money for the set on my own! When all of the utilities were shut off and I had to pay the balance to get them back on-I put everything in my name alone and continued to pay without fault. I paid the mortgage, daycare, for the food and clothes and all the utilities. I had done that with Jim. It seemed that I was always paying for everything-good thing I made decent money to handle it. However, I was tired of babysitting and in giving them a free ride! My word was I tired of it! My business was doing well despite all I went through behind closed doors so I decided to buy a house in Norton. I wanted to upgrade to a house in the suburbs at the end of a cul-de-sac. Again, to protect myself, I had my father in as a co-signer. I knew I was heading for divorce back then-from the Honeymoon actually! I had learned well to preserve my income for my girls and the household at an early age! By the time we had moved into the house in Norton, Tiffany was born! However, she showed signs of ADHD from the very beginning and I had an evaluation with Project Early. She was given the diagnosis of Pervasive Developmental Disorder at the age of 3. My other two daughters had integrated into the Norton schools well, though Tiffy was constantly being kicked out of daycares! She was a handful even back then!
The business that I owned that was called B&W Paralegal Services had in 2001 disbanded due to political reasons. Most of my cleints knew my father well and had found out that he was revamping the insurance industry and cracking down on their overcharging insurance companies. He established regulations and most could not afford to keep me on. So, I then went to work at Quincy Mutual Fire Insurance Company, after my father had retired as a Property Claims Examiner. I loved that job and would still be there to this day. However, Tiffy had been kicked out of another daycare by then and my mother would not watch Tiffy more than 2 days a week. The private daycares charged $95 a day back then in 2001! So, needless to say-I had to resolve the daycare issue and to find another job! I hated leaving there since it was a wonderful company!
Bill, still fought the divorce and tried to go after me for full custody of Tiffany, to get the house that he never paid for, and to have me pay child support and allimony! I decided that if he was to play that game, I would show my intentions and went by my birth name of Sharon Desruisseaux. You legally can change your name before a divorce is final as long as it is not for fraudulent reasons! Mine was psychological! I did not want to be associated with him! So, under my new-or original name of Sharon Desruisseaux, I found a job as a the head paralegal in the Third Party Torts Department at Keches & Mallen in Taunton. I had a wonderful office and had full reign on the job. I shut the door and worked hard, bringing work home to further my career there. Due to internal reasons of some of the people I worked with on a moral basis, I left that job. From there I decided to work on a personal goal. I started Canoe River Creations, Inc. A corporation for the foundation of an art and cultural center along the Canoe River. I had formed a Board of Directors and had even applied for the 501C3 status for a non-profit on my own. Lots of paperwork in that, but I completed it all. A drive into Boston and it was incorporated! Thanks to the help of my friend Lisa Callahan. Now, we needed to find a homebase. We had all liked this old house in Norton that the town had agreed to rent to us for $1 a year. However, after attending numerous town meetings with the Board of Selectmen, they voted it down. Mainly due to the reason that they could not afford the expenses they had to entail as the landlord to get it ready for public use. I had established an excellent program and had even found many vendors willing to participate. The media was all for it. And all of it was trashed due to the intense construction regulations required to make that old house open to the public. It was too great an expense for the town to embrace. So, with sad heart and slumped shoulders I had to reassess my life and what it was I truely wanted.
I was for many years at this point, very involed at my Church, Murray UU. I had first returned as a member and then, with my best friend since Kindergarten, Heidi Hasselbaum (Ferreira), became a co-youth group advisor. We worked worderful as a team and the youth group was in the Rennaissance at that time for we had lots of fun doing it. They loved my girls and they were always there for events and fundraisers we held. I had also formed a group with Nancy Fuller Boucher, called the Circle of Spirits. It was a group that explored earth centered religions. This went on for many years until I left Mass in 2003. Nancy carried it on by herself for many years after that and now it is sadly no more. I still cherish the book they all signed when I had to leave to move to Maine. It was called, "Women who run with the Wolves!" I love that book and hold it dear! I gues that is what I did when I moved to Maine in a way. I chose the life that was uncommon and wild. I had moved to the wolderness of Maine. It was a good move indeed!
My mortgage by then was fixed and had recently turned into the variable rate that shot up dramatically my monthly payments. I had to make a decision fast. I had to compose my life list again about what I wanted to do, what I could do and how I would do it. I have had to do this several times in the past when things went in a different direction than originally planned. I had decided that with the high prices in the market for real estate, it was the perfect time for sellers. So, I then scanned for places to move to. I wanted to live in the country and I always had dreams of a farm and of returning to work on my cherished novels. I put that on the back burner just to live my life and to put food on the table. But, due to that and many reasons, I formulated a plan. I knew that I could not get there without the help of Bill. So, I strategically took him back, I told him that we were still husband and wife on paper and that he had to look at it like a business partnership. He agreed to pay the last 3 months of mortgage (wonderful-since he never paid anything before-he even stole money from my child support account from Jacqui and Alex and wrote checks to his brothers on my business account-forging my name!). I knew what I had to do. I saw a door open and that was my time to run through it. I would do whatever it took. Besides, I knew Bill would not be able to live in peace forever, I just needed him to get to Maine. I found a beautiful 200 year old house way up in the middle of nowhere in an area I never head of. Pefect! It also had 114 acres! I calculated that after paying off my mortgage- I would have $157,000 in cash to buy the house outright. I wanted security more than anything at that point after having two shaky marriages. This was perfect! However, that was only for the house and surrounding acreage. My father chipped in $10,000 of his own to help out and with the promise that someday he would build a summer house on it-which he did!). So, when I moved way up to Maine, my parents moved way down to Florida. Now they come up for the summer in their house right in my huge yard! Besides with all of that land, I had hopes of becoming completely self-sustaining and to live off of the land the best that I could. I already had a little garden in Norton (I called them my crops, I was so proud of it! I even had a herbal garden which I potted and bought up with me!), and now I could have my dream monster garden! Yea! So, I packed up the kids, all of the furniture we could fit in the trucks, the pool, and my herb garden in pots. I bought up the garden and pool months prior to the move to store at my ex-husband Jim's house in Mexico (Maine), so they would adapt to the climate better.
I was very scared when I first moved up here. I went through a major culture shock! I did not know anyone at all here or where anything was. The snow would fall and kept coming, piling up to make the yard inaccesable unless one had snowshoes! I never saw so much snow or experienced such cold in my life! Temperatures would drop to weeks on end of forty degrees below zero here! I wrote a blog about my adventures as a flatlander- as they call us here. They also call us Massholes! Probably due to our driving skills! Ouch! I got rid of my Mass plates and changed them to Maine plates real fast! Our clothes were not warm enough for the intense climate and I had to learn real survival skills. I have since learned that Mainers can survive almost anything and most of them can live off of the land! They are definately to be admired for their survival skills in this climate. They have taught me alot of valuable skills up here. It is worth it all if one knows how!
It did not take Bill long to act up. Bill had become buddys with my neighbor and together the two of them would go out on constant drinking binges. One evening when I was sound asleep, he attacked me full force. That is all on criminal record since I pressed charges and was able to file for divorce up here due to it. I was covered in bruises due to his punching me in the head. I certainly believe that he would have killed me if it was not for Tiffany. The only reason he stopped was that Tiffany had walked into the room. He called the police and tried to blame me! I was stunned and covered in bruises when they arrived. They took one look at me and told him "This isn't Mass! We take this seriously" and hauled him off in cuffs. As first I was ashamed of my bruises, I was new to this area and really was not sure how people would take it. However, then I though about it. Why cover up my bruises with makeup as if it was somthing to be ashamed of? A person who was mugged would not hide their own injuries. I did not provoke the attack in any way. I was sleeping when he came into the room drunk. It is all on record. So, I walked around town running my errands ignoring the bruises. I was scared and wanted to learn how to protect myself against him. I went to Wal-Mart and bought a gun. I thought it was funny to actually buy a gun at Wal-Mart! I was told by people here that a gun was a good thing to have on a farm. There are alot of wild animals that would attack my chickens and sheep that I planned on having. They also recommended a dog for the farm. A dog would alert us to danger and protect us from harm. I also learned that they are also good doorbells. I found it funny when I moved in here from suburbia that none of the houses here had any doorbells! It was because they all had dogs! So I went out and found my dog Loki at the local shelter and had decided to build a farm on the property like there used to be. I also wanted to continue to write my novels. I would use this experience to start the new chapter of my life. After a grueling divorce that was contested and won again in appeal was I legally and offically divorced! I went back to that name I had used that was my birth name.
I spent that moment on determined to forge a new life for myself and my daughters. I became determined to follow the dreams I always had though was not able to pursue in raising my children on my own. By then Aundra's Dad Steve had become a part of her life again and had steadily over the course of years become a better and better father. He had married Peggy and she was good for him in that she encouraged regular visits with Aundra. He also became steady in his payments. Unlike Jim and Bill. I had worked very hard in starting this farm from scratch. I purchased my first registered Icelandic sheep named Freyja and she had twins and then more came from her. I also bought another Dog, Bart to add to my household-he ended up being great in herding the sheep each year when they jump the fences in the Spring. So, with my three daughters, 2 dogs, 2 cats brought up from Mass and other's acquired as farm cats (who we let in at night), chickens for eggs,2 bunnies that were Tiffy's pets- we had quite the household. My boyfriend at the time, Tom, helped with building the chicken coop and with some of the fencing of the fields. He also helped me to screen in the front porch against the dreaded blackflies of Maine (no one told me of these dreaded creatures! Imagine that!) We dredged up old fencing to make and area large enough for the sheep that we had. Eventually we got rid of the bunnies and the chickens (there was a predator who ate most of them) and then subsequently acquired 2 llamas (who died-I was sold ancient llama's by a swindler!-an attorney from Mass!), and 2 Angora Rabbits and 4 fish! Yikes, we have a full house. But we started all of it from nothing. We put alot of work into this farm. I literally put blood, sweat and tears into it when they were not looking. With each post I drove in for the fields, and the gardens I tilled by hand (huge ones) etc. I have been through alot. But, good, wholesome work that made me very strong! We learned the hard way how to become farmers way up here in the middle of Maine! It is beautiful up here and I do not regret one decision that led us here. With the skills of survival we have learned up here from wonderful people-life is good. "Maine, the way life should be!" It is true what they put on that billboard one you enter the state from the south on Route 95.
Tom and I eventually broke up but remained friends, we both had different goals. I had found a job working for a place in Wilton selling auto insurance. I was over-qualified for it with my background-but it was all there was in my field. I met a wonderful group of people while working there. It was at ICT in Wilton. I learned alot about the area from the people I met there and forged great friendships. Unfortunately in 2009, the program that we all worked on left the state of Maine. I had no choice but to leave. I then went out and attained my licence in Life, Accident and Health for insurance (I already had my licence in Property and Casualty from ICT days). I found a job with Bankers insurance. When all was said and done I ended up paying over two thousand dollars in establishing myself in sales for that field. I barely made one cent with it! I travelled all over the state on sales calls-but no one had any money. I had taken vvarious tests and modules for further qualifications and studied hard for them. I drove in twice a week all of the way down to Scarborough (almost two and a half hours each way! This was required to show up at that office as part of the job) So with saddened heart, I left Bankers as well as ICT. I then found a job down in Lewiston. This was tough in that I was promised full time and payroll, but that never panned out. I had always worked full time and on salary with benifits. I had worked hard to get there. I had to take it to care for my girls and the farm. My middle daughter had since been diagnosed with Asperger's Disorder and my youngest with PDD and ADHD, so there were services to help out with them in this state that were wonderful. I had them in 24M services where a worker would come to the home and work on their behavioral and safetly skills. They have been wonderful and very helpful over the years. I loved my co-worker Michelle Ouellette and it was hard to leave her. I could not afford the gas to travel there with the raising prices and on the days that I worked, I was sometimes not home to well after my girls were in bed. They had the worker there wo be with them, though the house was always in chaos when I was gone. They needed me! I was not making enough money and simply could not afford the gas and wear on my car. I had decided to save as much as I could to leave that job to work completely full time on my farm and novel. Something I was ever able to do before! I saw the this door had opened for me at last and that now was the time to jump! I was able to publish two novels and had my property logged for this and was hoping for the tax money to be decent enough as it had been in the past. It did not end up that way as planned. The loggers had been out on my property since June of 2010 and had finished in December. Many, many truckloads had left the property and very little money was given to me. I had worked such long hours, they managed to sneak out there. I wanted a contract and never agreed to any prices-they never showed me a list. So they handed me scraps. Basically, it was only enough to live on and to put a small bit aside for my plans. Child support had trickled down to almost nothing and their back support owed was too much for me to file a case in small claims court! My publisher way over priced my novels and almost got me out of it! I did manage to sell quite a few despite all of it though! Thank you! They never contacted me-or barely once they (both novels) were published. I felt forgotten. I had to market them on my own. Also, through all of this, when we opened up the fields, our house seemed to come to life in activity-of the paranormal kind. We had so many experiences over this time that we decided to call the Maine Ghost Hunters! They came over and investigated and verified our claims. They are planning another investigation and I even was called for an interview on their radio blog! My life is never boring!!! Good thing! And then with my taxes, I had gotten back over $6,000 last year and this year, just a little over $1,000. Oh well, one thing I am used to by now are roadblocks! I have learned long ago that whatever could possibly happen-no matter how weird, probably will! And it certainly did for me-it always has. So, wearily I am here writing this hoping my story will be heard. If it is- good. If not, that is okay too-for I have lifted huge weights on my shoulders in just the writing of all of this. I thank you if you have endured this much of my meandering and long writing.
Despite all I have been through over the many years of my ex-husbands being habitually neglectful in paying their childsupport, I had worked hard and have raised my daughters on my own. While working full time and in Lewiston and at the places I worked at in Mass. In Mass I was constantly taking college courses to further my writing skills with my own money. I also took many business, insurance and legal classes as well. I managed to write two historical novels with all the engrossing research and travels entailed, and to research my geneology. I have compiled volumes of well-documented research for my family with several valuable sources. In my studies in geneology-I found an ancestor named Louis Hebert, who became the subject of my current novel. I had to research and learn archaic French for the translations I had uncovered at the Seminary in Quebec and from France that I ordered. I had also purchased all of the required reading from the bookstore at Brown University for a PHD in Egyptology second-hand (they list all of the reading in that store) for my first two novels. I was determined to someday be a writer and to eventually finish all of the novels that I had researched for many years in order to write. I did most of this while the girls were in bed, at their Dad's house on visitation and in every spare moment that I could find. There were not that many-so it took me many determined years to accomplish all that I have. I was not about to let what I have been through in being a domestic abuse survivor and single mom, put a stop to my dreams-NEVER! Besides, how could I raise my daughters to go after their dreams if I never tried to go after my own-despite what life threw in my way. I had learned to be a fighter. I would ward off negativity in any direction and to find the good still under each rock! I learned how to work with the wool from the sheep and to spin it. Spinning wool and crocheting that wool from my sheep has been very therapuetic during many harsh times in the past years. That and the writing of my novels despite the hardships of living on a small farm in Maine-kept me going! I was doing everythig in my power to run the household, raise my daughters (Bill and Jim never once followed their court ordered visitations as well and were habitually acrueing vast amounts of arrears) on my own, and the farm. I did find what little time I could in the other pursuits. I have written past blogs of struggles and wonderful moments encountered here in our new life in the wilds of Maine, so there are many details that I have not added on this page-are there on those blogs.
Through it all, I learned how strong I was. I have been in constant contact with child support enforcement over the years in trying to modify ancient orders-to no avail. I even hired an attorney in the area named Ed David out of Farmington. I had worked hard on getting my divorce to mediation, but Bill would not agree to anything so it ended up going to trial. I did win that and the court ordered Bill to pay the attorney fees as well as the back child support owed. Bill did and then he went into arrears again! So, I called Ed David again and Bill was brought to court. The court granted the same but Ed David held the child support payment (almost $4,000) in escrow until Bill paid the fees. That was back in 2007 or so and I have not seen one cent of that! So, needless to say, I am a little weary of attorneys! Besides, I do not have any money to hire one. I have constantly requested modifications on the ancient order that I had from Jim (it was from an ancient order dated before Jacqui was even born and based on his salary as a student! He now is a Foreman Welder in a Union out of Boston and Jacqui is 17!) They tell me I need an attorney to modify it and that it is too late. Child Suport Enforcement told me that they would take care of it Too! hmmmmmmm.....I have requested this to be done on a yearly basis and they jept telling me they would. Yikes has the ball been dropped! They both know how to play the game and know all of the loopholes in the system. For both of them live out of state and work out of state. There are Federal laws to change this and I have quoted them, yet nothing was done. They both know how to avoid being served-because you have to serve them to haul them into court. They both drive without licenses since they have had it taken away on numerous occasion over the years! Jim had remarried (now divorced) and had sold the house they had in Mexico, Maine-it had a lien on it, though it was nver activated. Jim never paid his taxes-I always filed head of household filing separately and paid mine. I assume the IRS had his share of my child support from the sale of that house! They even tried to attach a bank account that he had in Pennsylvania. But there was another loophole-the bank stopped it since Maine did not have a branch of their bank! They had temporarily seized $6,000. I never saw one cent of it. And for Bill, he lives at his mother's house in Wareham, Mass and owns 30 acres and a camp here in Chesterville at the end of Adams Road! He laways puts what he owns under his brother's names. Which I find weird since each of his brothers have fathered daughters whom they never see nor pay child support for to the best of my knowledge. I wish I had known that it was a family thing! Yikes! Bill currently works out of a Boiler Maker's Union out of Pennsylvania and travels down there for most of the year. He collects unemployment out of Mass (since the cap there is alot more than Maine and he uses his mother's residence). He insures his truck in Maine, but according to Maine Child Support Enforcement-holds a Mass license! He never pays his taxes either. I am surprised the IRS does not gone after him for my child support as well! So, I have tried and gave enforcement tons of information to no avail. I feel like I have told my story to everyone in the world with no results! Every person I have talked to at enforcement has been surpirsed that it all has gone on so long! Why? I have no idea. I feel that child support enforcemment only goes after support for women who collect money from the state and forget about us Mom's who work. I am made to feel ashamed when I call in-with just their tone. Why? Again, I have no idea. I am proud of raising my children on my own and in providing well for them over the years. I only ask that the state work hard with my tax dollars and go after what I am legally entitled to. I have only asked for the state guidelines. Oh, Well...Also, it is sad that the only way a mother can get help from the state is to hire an attorney. With what money left over? I use each penny in giving my daughters a good life. I work hard to provide them with the best I can without help or very little when it trickles in. I sincerely feel that if the state worked harder to collect child support that is owned, there would be alot less women who depend on the state in any form. I also feel that the Unions are in some club where they know how to play the system in the case of child support. I have had court ordered garnishes on their pay since it seems, time began-it is so old! Yet, with each job site they work at, it is the responsibility of the person in charge to honor the wage garnishes. And not only that but when they collect unemployment in Mass or wherever-it never gets attached since it is out of state! I sincerely feel bad for those mothers out there relying on men to pay child support who work for the Unions. You would think that the unemployment-regardless of what state it is collected from-woud be in synch with the other states! Yet, at least Maine is not! I am just a little bit fed up and very tired at this point. I have long since completely relied on my own income to provide for the household. Any money that woud trickle in would be for fun items for the girls. Sometimes, I have had to rely on it during brief lengths of time. That was rough to say the very least! My dream has always been to take any money that actually comes in from child support and to put it into a trust for the girls alone. I hate that money (even if it is court ordered!) that I have had to beg for! I consider it tainted. I hate having to rely on it even for one minute. So sad.
So, know I am living in my dream finally realized. I have published two novels-the ones that took me years to write despite all I have been through! They can be found on my authorsite at www.sharondnovels.com . I am finishing up my third one on my ancestor as we speak. I have just finishid updating my farm website at www.mymainesheep.com and have brought them out to the world to view! Wish me luck! My oldest daughter is in college and has recently moved to North Carolina. I am very proud of her. My daughter Jacqui is in her junior year in high school and we are looking for colleges for her future art career. My youngest Tiffy is in the 6th grade. My younger two daughters no longer need services for they worked hard and met all of their goals! I am very proud of them as well! I am engaged to the man of my dreams, Rob Goding. He is my best friend and soulmate. He has been my rock through all of this and I love hanging out with him! He supports me compltely and helps out-something I am not used to at all! His two children are wonderful and exciting additions to the household! Our home is filled with laughter, music (both Rob and his daughter play guitar-and he is in the band Cadagan), peace and happiness. Something I have worked hard on my own for, yet is wonderful sharing with someone else for a change! I am very blessed and content. Writing this page, even if no one actually reads it, has been very healing for me. There are alot more details than what I have added here and will answer any questions. I can back everything up that I have written. It is not meant to bash anyone-but to bring the truth to light! I feel like alot has been lifted from my shoulders in airing it to the world! I would love this page to heal other women as well. Please feel free to ask any question or to add to this page. I love feedback and respect anyones's input to this page.
-Sharon Marie (Brooks, Pacher, Wikinson) Desruisseaux
March 24, 2011
Anyways, I was born in New Jersey. I do not recall much at all of those days since my parents moved back to New England when I was only a few months old. They then moved, based on my father's job in insurance to Rhode Island and then finally to Massachusetts where I spent most of my life. There is not really much to note of my childhood, except that it was wonderful! My mother was an art teacher who commuted to Rhode Island to teach and my father rose up in the insurance ranks at Quincy Mutual from Manager, to Assistant Vice President of Claims to Vice President of Claims. I owe much to them since I was raised in a wonderful loving home. My father and mother provided well for us and there was much stability in my childhood. My mother would test her art projects on my younger sister and I and my father taught us valuable work ethics. I also used to love talking insurance wiith him (it eventually became my career later on in life). With my mother, she established in us a love for art and Broadway shows and to appreciate the beauty in life. With my father, he taught us stability, honor and ethics. Both taught me valuable skills which I ended up needing desperately once outside of my happy bubble of a childhood. I was pretty much sheltered from the horrors outside of our loving household and was pretty shocked when I ventured outside to have that cushy bubble burst right in my face-violently. I was raised seeing the good in all things-which is wonderful and all, but it left me blind to the bad elements out there. I am more than thankful in how I was raised and it helped make me who I am and enabled me to endure the tough times in my life that lay ahead of me.
My father always told me that it was okay to be a princess, however, when I grow up, I should have the skills to manage and support that on my own! Good thing he taught me that-since I relied on that advice pretty much my whole adult-hood so far! When I was little, all I could think of was becoming a writer and an artist. However, realistically, he reminded me that those were great skills to have, but I also needed to learn skills that would immediately put food on the table. Being an artist was somthing to never give up on, but it would be wiser to keep it on the back burner while I learned a skill that would support those endeavors. My parents never stopped encouraging me, they just knew me better than I did and I sincerely appreciate them for that!
In school I had always done well, though I was often teased for it at the public schools of my town of Plainville. I was picked on quite a bit and was even traumatized in elementary school where I had to see a councelor. It certainly humbled me that is for sure. In junior high it was extremely bad where I was beat up on almost a regular basis! I was told by those in later years after we grew up, that they teased and tormented me because I was an easy target! I cried all too easily! Well, due to this, I went to Foxboro High School where I met alot of people and kind of got into the wrong crowd. I was having so much fun in making friends, that I cause a bit of trouble for my parents (I would often skip school to get a tan!). To make a long story short-my parents left a uniform on my bed to the local Catholic School one day after I returned home from the Foxboro school I went to! I was horrified. However, once I transferrred there to Bishop Feehan High School in Attleboro- I had found a home. Very reluctantly at first. For there I was appreciated for my academics. It was certainly the saving grace for me and I am very thankful for all of the wonderful teachers and fellow students there. I graduated back in 1988. I know that ages me to a few of you. But that is okay. I do not have any issues with my age, I dont try to hide it for I have earned it! Back then I was not as serious by far in my academics as I have been in the pst 20 years! I did what I had to and was determined to live the bohemian life of an artist! However, my teachers saw the potential in me and never failed to encourage me for which I am truely thankful for! What they say is true, "Youth is wasted on the young!". I was certainly not sincere back then in my studies and I truely, in retrospect, wish I had been. For my path would not have been so long and difficult! But, I do not regret any decisions that I made back then, no matter how harsh, in that they led me to who I am today-One tough cookie! :)
I encountered some roadblocks in life even back then for I had lost a lot of people that were close to me and it was traumatizing to me and shattered my sheltered life. I had lost close friends in car accidents (Michelle Petit, David Andrews and Trisha Whiteman), a cousin to a motorcycle accident (Peter Picard), a friend to suicide (Douglas Dickerman), to name but a few. I even lost a best friend to asthma named Julie "Spongie" Silvernail (We had become close after high school). Not, to mention close family members like my grandfather, Lawrence Jewett, my great uncle, Donald Jewett, My two uncles on my father's side; Donald and Speed Desruisseaux and my Meme Desruiseeaux. It made me realize that life was short and could be taken away without any notice. I appreciated my friends and family much more than ever before. I had even developed an avid interest in my family geneology, which I studied thoroughly in later years when I was older. I learned to appreciate my life and strived to appreciate each moment allowed! I started at that point to live each day as if it could be my last! I embraced life from that point on! Yes, it got me into trouble, but it made my life very full as a result. I never broke the law, I paid my taxes on time and have raised my children and have provided loving and stable homes for them. So, I live life to the fullest that I am capable of without missing a beat in all that I am responsible for. It is possible you know! For I learned to tackle life head on and to get all I could from it. I was even diagnosed with having Bipolar Disorder. Back then they were handing it out like candy-like they are today with ADHD. My reactions to life were normal for someone who has suffered loss, had been beaten up in school, and had suffered abuse and neglect in marriage. Yet, through all of my normal emotions in my reactions to what life threw at me-I managed the stability I just mentioned-hardly someone with BiPolar Disorder huh? I had since been to many notable Psychiatrists who changed that diagnosis to situational depression. Which I have long since learned skills to defeat for the most part. I am a sensitive artist and writer and my emotions have been normal for what I have gone through. My ex-husband constantly tries to discredit me with that ancient and long-since abandonned diagnosis! He still does. I certainly have a case for slander against him with this! That any many other cases. I will get to this later on.
After I graduated, I went to Southeastern Massachusetts University in Dartmouth. I was a fine arts major. However, I had so much fun in finally being on my own, that I had a rough time taking my classes seriously! I did not realize that business classes would have helped my dreams back then. So, I stupidly dropped out! I came home and roomed in the basement of my parent's house. I went to classes at Fisher Junior College working on my Early Childhood Growth and Development Certificate. I had worked at the YMCA for so many years after being a camper at Camp Elmwood at the Hockamock YMCA, for the camp and then for the daycare at the YMCA in high school. This was in North Attleboro. I was also in the Leaders Club there. I had thought that a career in working with children would be fun. Not so, for I wanted to make more money that it allowed. I did still have my princess ways. And then I became determined to go to Europe!
After I graduated, I was upset that my parents would not give me a trip to Europe like alot of the other kids at school! I told my father that I would do it-I would earn the money myself! He laughed (I know now that it was meant specifically as I took it-to provoke me into action about it!) Which I did! I was lucky enough where my parents owned a condo in Wells, Maine. So, I packed up my things and lived there and found two jobs in Perkin's Cove for the summer. I proceeded to work 18 hour days and took Sunday's off to lie on the beach for rest! At the end of the summer I earned enough for my father to book me two tours. One of Europe on the Continent and the other to Great Brittain! I was there for two months! I had also discovered while there that I was pregnant! I was only 19! I went on the pill before dating him and it did not work-obviously! I decided to keep the baby and she is now in college herself! Her name is Alexaundra. She was my inspiration to get my life in order. For at the moment I realized that I was to become a mother-I decided to have a definate goal in my life. I went to my Dad and asked him for my advice. On his advice, I went to Fisher College and worked hard on my degree for paralegal studies. I was serious now, for I wanted to give my daughter a new life and to provide well for her as my parents had for me. Her father was not too cooperative in the beginning. His name is Steven Hall. I had to chase him for any help at all. It was humiliating. Especially since he was my first love and to find out that he was dating other girls as well when he was dating me. It hurt and humbled me. But, I moved on. I used that anger in a constructive way. I was determined to support my daughter on my own very well with or without his help. I studied so hard and took on extra clases for an accelerated degree to graduate with honors! Another goal accomplished. I used my trip to Europe as a sounding board for the rest of my life. For I kept it close to heart that if I could do that-I could do anything! It worked! From then on, I put all I could into everything I did. I met Jim Wilkinson when Aundra was only 8 months old and I thought that he was the one! In three months we were engaged and then married in September of 1991.
It was wonderful in the beginning. We had made our home in the basement of my parents house. We both were in school back then. Jim was studying to be a chef at Johnson & Wales. And before I went to Fisher College, I studied hard for my certificate for Travel, Tourism & Hospitality at the Sawyer School in Pawtucket, RI. I graduated from there with honors and even got a very cheap Honeymoon to Jamaica with it and brought Jim of course!. I never did anything with it, again, since I ws determined to make more money to provide better for my household. So then, I went to Fisher College. With that degree I gained a job at a Lawfirm in Brockton at the Law Offices of Vincent P. Cahalane as a paralegal. I worked with his daughter, Julie. She taught me alot. I eventually became pregnant with Jacqui back in 1993 and decided to venture out with my own business as a paralegal and kept them on as one of my primary clients for seven years. Jim, by then had revealed his true colors in not being husband material and I perservered through it trying to make things work. He could not hold a job as a chef at the Sheraton so my fathr got him a job as an Insruance Adjuster. He made good money in those day, though I rarely saw any of it. I had to go after my own husband in court for him to support the household! He hid all of his money! It was embarrasing and humiliating! An order was granted for him to do so. Unfortunately, this order was the one the courts referred to for Jacqui-who was not even born yet! It was to pay me money for the household and for Aundra. The child support was for $75 a week. That is what they use for today! This was the amount the court deemed that Jim should pay for Aundra, since her father was not in the picture then. I filed for divorce and he constantly begged to return to the household. Jacqui was born in 1993 and he did little even then to contribute to the household despite the very good salary that he was making! He stole money from the account and never paid any share of the bills or rent for that matter! He would take off to New Hamshire on party benders for days on end. I had miscarriages due to the stress of all of this. Finally, I had enough. I went out and purchased a house and added my father as a co-signer to prove a point. It was my funds that would be used for it, I had worked hard enough for it and with my father's help-I was finally able to move into my first home in Attleboro with Aundra, who was then 6 and Jacqui who was 3. I had a separate room for my office and had hired an assistant. I had done well for myself. I was tired of all I went through with Jim and the divorce was finalized in 1997.
Then I met Bill Packer. I should have known better when we met. We met at a sports bar on my birthday. I was with my friend who was supposed to be the designated driver, though she got plastered and I had to babysit her. Bill was with his friends and was the only one who was sober. I asked him when he told me that he was from my hometown of Plainville, if he knew a Bobby Packer. He responded with a question, "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" I said, "Bad! Very bad!". For Bobby teased me as a kid in Plainville. He told me that Bobby was his younger brother. I should have run then, but I did not. I thought I should give him the benifit of the doubt. He was very sweet. Not the type that I was nomally attracted to, kind of a "meat and potatoes" kind of guy. Simple. But, after Jim-I wanted simple. Not good when you go way beyond your gut instinct. I broke up with him at one point, but my family and friends said I was being way too harsh and that I should give it a try. My Mom was always pushing me to get married, saying that it was just not normal to raise kids on your own. Well, I gave him a chance and even agreed to marry him! All was going well at that point, I was sucessful in my business and had many established clients and Bill was starting a Corporation called "Carolina Development" For commerical construction. My father even helped him to incorporate it and sat on the Board of Directors. He bought a considerable amount of shares to help him start this venture. I even helped him financially as well. I wanted a big wedding which I had saved up for for several months. I had scheduled it at my church at Murray Unitarian Universalist Church in Attleble and had even got us a room for the reception at the Norton Country Club. Not cheap at all! I paid for almost everything out of my own money that I had earned. We had even booked a trip to Egypt for our Honeymoon! I had been planning this trip and saving up for it for quite a few years and thought maybe to use it for the Honeymoon-Bill agreed. Good thing! The trip was amazing! Unfortunately, I also discovered who he really was. He had put up a facade of fake in order to get me to marry him! With his true colors revealed, I filed for divorce.
That was the beginning of the horror with him. For he fought the divorce and made my life miserable. He started off with mental abuse and then worked his way to physical abuse. I had put him through all of the tests that I knew of before that point due to what I had been through with Jim. I had filed a few restraining orders on Jim and orders of neglect. Bill would not pay his share of the household either! He even stole the money I had in a registry at Foxboro Furniture for a beautiful dinning room table ($4,000) we had been given in the wedding for one of his jobs-I never saw a cent of that and came up with the money for the set on my own! When all of the utilities were shut off and I had to pay the balance to get them back on-I put everything in my name alone and continued to pay without fault. I paid the mortgage, daycare, for the food and clothes and all the utilities. I had done that with Jim. It seemed that I was always paying for everything-good thing I made decent money to handle it. However, I was tired of babysitting and in giving them a free ride! My word was I tired of it! My business was doing well despite all I went through behind closed doors so I decided to buy a house in Norton. I wanted to upgrade to a house in the suburbs at the end of a cul-de-sac. Again, to protect myself, I had my father in as a co-signer. I knew I was heading for divorce back then-from the Honeymoon actually! I had learned well to preserve my income for my girls and the household at an early age! By the time we had moved into the house in Norton, Tiffany was born! However, she showed signs of ADHD from the very beginning and I had an evaluation with Project Early. She was given the diagnosis of Pervasive Developmental Disorder at the age of 3. My other two daughters had integrated into the Norton schools well, though Tiffy was constantly being kicked out of daycares! She was a handful even back then!
The business that I owned that was called B&W Paralegal Services had in 2001 disbanded due to political reasons. Most of my cleints knew my father well and had found out that he was revamping the insurance industry and cracking down on their overcharging insurance companies. He established regulations and most could not afford to keep me on. So, I then went to work at Quincy Mutual Fire Insurance Company, after my father had retired as a Property Claims Examiner. I loved that job and would still be there to this day. However, Tiffy had been kicked out of another daycare by then and my mother would not watch Tiffy more than 2 days a week. The private daycares charged $95 a day back then in 2001! So, needless to say-I had to resolve the daycare issue and to find another job! I hated leaving there since it was a wonderful company!
Bill, still fought the divorce and tried to go after me for full custody of Tiffany, to get the house that he never paid for, and to have me pay child support and allimony! I decided that if he was to play that game, I would show my intentions and went by my birth name of Sharon Desruisseaux. You legally can change your name before a divorce is final as long as it is not for fraudulent reasons! Mine was psychological! I did not want to be associated with him! So, under my new-or original name of Sharon Desruisseaux, I found a job as a the head paralegal in the Third Party Torts Department at Keches & Mallen in Taunton. I had a wonderful office and had full reign on the job. I shut the door and worked hard, bringing work home to further my career there. Due to internal reasons of some of the people I worked with on a moral basis, I left that job. From there I decided to work on a personal goal. I started Canoe River Creations, Inc. A corporation for the foundation of an art and cultural center along the Canoe River. I had formed a Board of Directors and had even applied for the 501C3 status for a non-profit on my own. Lots of paperwork in that, but I completed it all. A drive into Boston and it was incorporated! Thanks to the help of my friend Lisa Callahan. Now, we needed to find a homebase. We had all liked this old house in Norton that the town had agreed to rent to us for $1 a year. However, after attending numerous town meetings with the Board of Selectmen, they voted it down. Mainly due to the reason that they could not afford the expenses they had to entail as the landlord to get it ready for public use. I had established an excellent program and had even found many vendors willing to participate. The media was all for it. And all of it was trashed due to the intense construction regulations required to make that old house open to the public. It was too great an expense for the town to embrace. So, with sad heart and slumped shoulders I had to reassess my life and what it was I truely wanted.
I was for many years at this point, very involed at my Church, Murray UU. I had first returned as a member and then, with my best friend since Kindergarten, Heidi Hasselbaum (Ferreira), became a co-youth group advisor. We worked worderful as a team and the youth group was in the Rennaissance at that time for we had lots of fun doing it. They loved my girls and they were always there for events and fundraisers we held. I had also formed a group with Nancy Fuller Boucher, called the Circle of Spirits. It was a group that explored earth centered religions. This went on for many years until I left Mass in 2003. Nancy carried it on by herself for many years after that and now it is sadly no more. I still cherish the book they all signed when I had to leave to move to Maine. It was called, "Women who run with the Wolves!" I love that book and hold it dear! I gues that is what I did when I moved to Maine in a way. I chose the life that was uncommon and wild. I had moved to the wolderness of Maine. It was a good move indeed!
My mortgage by then was fixed and had recently turned into the variable rate that shot up dramatically my monthly payments. I had to make a decision fast. I had to compose my life list again about what I wanted to do, what I could do and how I would do it. I have had to do this several times in the past when things went in a different direction than originally planned. I had decided that with the high prices in the market for real estate, it was the perfect time for sellers. So, I then scanned for places to move to. I wanted to live in the country and I always had dreams of a farm and of returning to work on my cherished novels. I put that on the back burner just to live my life and to put food on the table. But, due to that and many reasons, I formulated a plan. I knew that I could not get there without the help of Bill. So, I strategically took him back, I told him that we were still husband and wife on paper and that he had to look at it like a business partnership. He agreed to pay the last 3 months of mortgage (wonderful-since he never paid anything before-he even stole money from my child support account from Jacqui and Alex and wrote checks to his brothers on my business account-forging my name!). I knew what I had to do. I saw a door open and that was my time to run through it. I would do whatever it took. Besides, I knew Bill would not be able to live in peace forever, I just needed him to get to Maine. I found a beautiful 200 year old house way up in the middle of nowhere in an area I never head of. Pefect! It also had 114 acres! I calculated that after paying off my mortgage- I would have $157,000 in cash to buy the house outright. I wanted security more than anything at that point after having two shaky marriages. This was perfect! However, that was only for the house and surrounding acreage. My father chipped in $10,000 of his own to help out and with the promise that someday he would build a summer house on it-which he did!). So, when I moved way up to Maine, my parents moved way down to Florida. Now they come up for the summer in their house right in my huge yard! Besides with all of that land, I had hopes of becoming completely self-sustaining and to live off of the land the best that I could. I already had a little garden in Norton (I called them my crops, I was so proud of it! I even had a herbal garden which I potted and bought up with me!), and now I could have my dream monster garden! Yea! So, I packed up the kids, all of the furniture we could fit in the trucks, the pool, and my herb garden in pots. I bought up the garden and pool months prior to the move to store at my ex-husband Jim's house in Mexico (Maine), so they would adapt to the climate better.
I was very scared when I first moved up here. I went through a major culture shock! I did not know anyone at all here or where anything was. The snow would fall and kept coming, piling up to make the yard inaccesable unless one had snowshoes! I never saw so much snow or experienced such cold in my life! Temperatures would drop to weeks on end of forty degrees below zero here! I wrote a blog about my adventures as a flatlander- as they call us here. They also call us Massholes! Probably due to our driving skills! Ouch! I got rid of my Mass plates and changed them to Maine plates real fast! Our clothes were not warm enough for the intense climate and I had to learn real survival skills. I have since learned that Mainers can survive almost anything and most of them can live off of the land! They are definately to be admired for their survival skills in this climate. They have taught me alot of valuable skills up here. It is worth it all if one knows how!
It did not take Bill long to act up. Bill had become buddys with my neighbor and together the two of them would go out on constant drinking binges. One evening when I was sound asleep, he attacked me full force. That is all on criminal record since I pressed charges and was able to file for divorce up here due to it. I was covered in bruises due to his punching me in the head. I certainly believe that he would have killed me if it was not for Tiffany. The only reason he stopped was that Tiffany had walked into the room. He called the police and tried to blame me! I was stunned and covered in bruises when they arrived. They took one look at me and told him "This isn't Mass! We take this seriously" and hauled him off in cuffs. As first I was ashamed of my bruises, I was new to this area and really was not sure how people would take it. However, then I though about it. Why cover up my bruises with makeup as if it was somthing to be ashamed of? A person who was mugged would not hide their own injuries. I did not provoke the attack in any way. I was sleeping when he came into the room drunk. It is all on record. So, I walked around town running my errands ignoring the bruises. I was scared and wanted to learn how to protect myself against him. I went to Wal-Mart and bought a gun. I thought it was funny to actually buy a gun at Wal-Mart! I was told by people here that a gun was a good thing to have on a farm. There are alot of wild animals that would attack my chickens and sheep that I planned on having. They also recommended a dog for the farm. A dog would alert us to danger and protect us from harm. I also learned that they are also good doorbells. I found it funny when I moved in here from suburbia that none of the houses here had any doorbells! It was because they all had dogs! So I went out and found my dog Loki at the local shelter and had decided to build a farm on the property like there used to be. I also wanted to continue to write my novels. I would use this experience to start the new chapter of my life. After a grueling divorce that was contested and won again in appeal was I legally and offically divorced! I went back to that name I had used that was my birth name.
I spent that moment on determined to forge a new life for myself and my daughters. I became determined to follow the dreams I always had though was not able to pursue in raising my children on my own. By then Aundra's Dad Steve had become a part of her life again and had steadily over the course of years become a better and better father. He had married Peggy and she was good for him in that she encouraged regular visits with Aundra. He also became steady in his payments. Unlike Jim and Bill. I had worked very hard in starting this farm from scratch. I purchased my first registered Icelandic sheep named Freyja and she had twins and then more came from her. I also bought another Dog, Bart to add to my household-he ended up being great in herding the sheep each year when they jump the fences in the Spring. So, with my three daughters, 2 dogs, 2 cats brought up from Mass and other's acquired as farm cats (who we let in at night), chickens for eggs,2 bunnies that were Tiffy's pets- we had quite the household. My boyfriend at the time, Tom, helped with building the chicken coop and with some of the fencing of the fields. He also helped me to screen in the front porch against the dreaded blackflies of Maine (no one told me of these dreaded creatures! Imagine that!) We dredged up old fencing to make and area large enough for the sheep that we had. Eventually we got rid of the bunnies and the chickens (there was a predator who ate most of them) and then subsequently acquired 2 llamas (who died-I was sold ancient llama's by a swindler!-an attorney from Mass!), and 2 Angora Rabbits and 4 fish! Yikes, we have a full house. But we started all of it from nothing. We put alot of work into this farm. I literally put blood, sweat and tears into it when they were not looking. With each post I drove in for the fields, and the gardens I tilled by hand (huge ones) etc. I have been through alot. But, good, wholesome work that made me very strong! We learned the hard way how to become farmers way up here in the middle of Maine! It is beautiful up here and I do not regret one decision that led us here. With the skills of survival we have learned up here from wonderful people-life is good. "Maine, the way life should be!" It is true what they put on that billboard one you enter the state from the south on Route 95.
Tom and I eventually broke up but remained friends, we both had different goals. I had found a job working for a place in Wilton selling auto insurance. I was over-qualified for it with my background-but it was all there was in my field. I met a wonderful group of people while working there. It was at ICT in Wilton. I learned alot about the area from the people I met there and forged great friendships. Unfortunately in 2009, the program that we all worked on left the state of Maine. I had no choice but to leave. I then went out and attained my licence in Life, Accident and Health for insurance (I already had my licence in Property and Casualty from ICT days). I found a job with Bankers insurance. When all was said and done I ended up paying over two thousand dollars in establishing myself in sales for that field. I barely made one cent with it! I travelled all over the state on sales calls-but no one had any money. I had taken vvarious tests and modules for further qualifications and studied hard for them. I drove in twice a week all of the way down to Scarborough (almost two and a half hours each way! This was required to show up at that office as part of the job) So with saddened heart, I left Bankers as well as ICT. I then found a job down in Lewiston. This was tough in that I was promised full time and payroll, but that never panned out. I had always worked full time and on salary with benifits. I had worked hard to get there. I had to take it to care for my girls and the farm. My middle daughter had since been diagnosed with Asperger's Disorder and my youngest with PDD and ADHD, so there were services to help out with them in this state that were wonderful. I had them in 24M services where a worker would come to the home and work on their behavioral and safetly skills. They have been wonderful and very helpful over the years. I loved my co-worker Michelle Ouellette and it was hard to leave her. I could not afford the gas to travel there with the raising prices and on the days that I worked, I was sometimes not home to well after my girls were in bed. They had the worker there wo be with them, though the house was always in chaos when I was gone. They needed me! I was not making enough money and simply could not afford the gas and wear on my car. I had decided to save as much as I could to leave that job to work completely full time on my farm and novel. Something I was ever able to do before! I saw the this door had opened for me at last and that now was the time to jump! I was able to publish two novels and had my property logged for this and was hoping for the tax money to be decent enough as it had been in the past. It did not end up that way as planned. The loggers had been out on my property since June of 2010 and had finished in December. Many, many truckloads had left the property and very little money was given to me. I had worked such long hours, they managed to sneak out there. I wanted a contract and never agreed to any prices-they never showed me a list. So they handed me scraps. Basically, it was only enough to live on and to put a small bit aside for my plans. Child support had trickled down to almost nothing and their back support owed was too much for me to file a case in small claims court! My publisher way over priced my novels and almost got me out of it! I did manage to sell quite a few despite all of it though! Thank you! They never contacted me-or barely once they (both novels) were published. I felt forgotten. I had to market them on my own. Also, through all of this, when we opened up the fields, our house seemed to come to life in activity-of the paranormal kind. We had so many experiences over this time that we decided to call the Maine Ghost Hunters! They came over and investigated and verified our claims. They are planning another investigation and I even was called for an interview on their radio blog! My life is never boring!!! Good thing! And then with my taxes, I had gotten back over $6,000 last year and this year, just a little over $1,000. Oh well, one thing I am used to by now are roadblocks! I have learned long ago that whatever could possibly happen-no matter how weird, probably will! And it certainly did for me-it always has. So, wearily I am here writing this hoping my story will be heard. If it is- good. If not, that is okay too-for I have lifted huge weights on my shoulders in just the writing of all of this. I thank you if you have endured this much of my meandering and long writing.
Despite all I have been through over the many years of my ex-husbands being habitually neglectful in paying their childsupport, I had worked hard and have raised my daughters on my own. While working full time and in Lewiston and at the places I worked at in Mass. In Mass I was constantly taking college courses to further my writing skills with my own money. I also took many business, insurance and legal classes as well. I managed to write two historical novels with all the engrossing research and travels entailed, and to research my geneology. I have compiled volumes of well-documented research for my family with several valuable sources. In my studies in geneology-I found an ancestor named Louis Hebert, who became the subject of my current novel. I had to research and learn archaic French for the translations I had uncovered at the Seminary in Quebec and from France that I ordered. I had also purchased all of the required reading from the bookstore at Brown University for a PHD in Egyptology second-hand (they list all of the reading in that store) for my first two novels. I was determined to someday be a writer and to eventually finish all of the novels that I had researched for many years in order to write. I did most of this while the girls were in bed, at their Dad's house on visitation and in every spare moment that I could find. There were not that many-so it took me many determined years to accomplish all that I have. I was not about to let what I have been through in being a domestic abuse survivor and single mom, put a stop to my dreams-NEVER! Besides, how could I raise my daughters to go after their dreams if I never tried to go after my own-despite what life threw in my way. I had learned to be a fighter. I would ward off negativity in any direction and to find the good still under each rock! I learned how to work with the wool from the sheep and to spin it. Spinning wool and crocheting that wool from my sheep has been very therapuetic during many harsh times in the past years. That and the writing of my novels despite the hardships of living on a small farm in Maine-kept me going! I was doing everythig in my power to run the household, raise my daughters (Bill and Jim never once followed their court ordered visitations as well and were habitually acrueing vast amounts of arrears) on my own, and the farm. I did find what little time I could in the other pursuits. I have written past blogs of struggles and wonderful moments encountered here in our new life in the wilds of Maine, so there are many details that I have not added on this page-are there on those blogs.
Through it all, I learned how strong I was. I have been in constant contact with child support enforcement over the years in trying to modify ancient orders-to no avail. I even hired an attorney in the area named Ed David out of Farmington. I had worked hard on getting my divorce to mediation, but Bill would not agree to anything so it ended up going to trial. I did win that and the court ordered Bill to pay the attorney fees as well as the back child support owed. Bill did and then he went into arrears again! So, I called Ed David again and Bill was brought to court. The court granted the same but Ed David held the child support payment (almost $4,000) in escrow until Bill paid the fees. That was back in 2007 or so and I have not seen one cent of that! So, needless to say, I am a little weary of attorneys! Besides, I do not have any money to hire one. I have constantly requested modifications on the ancient order that I had from Jim (it was from an ancient order dated before Jacqui was even born and based on his salary as a student! He now is a Foreman Welder in a Union out of Boston and Jacqui is 17!) They tell me I need an attorney to modify it and that it is too late. Child Suport Enforcement told me that they would take care of it Too! hmmmmmmm.....I have requested this to be done on a yearly basis and they jept telling me they would. Yikes has the ball been dropped! They both know how to play the game and know all of the loopholes in the system. For both of them live out of state and work out of state. There are Federal laws to change this and I have quoted them, yet nothing was done. They both know how to avoid being served-because you have to serve them to haul them into court. They both drive without licenses since they have had it taken away on numerous occasion over the years! Jim had remarried (now divorced) and had sold the house they had in Mexico, Maine-it had a lien on it, though it was nver activated. Jim never paid his taxes-I always filed head of household filing separately and paid mine. I assume the IRS had his share of my child support from the sale of that house! They even tried to attach a bank account that he had in Pennsylvania. But there was another loophole-the bank stopped it since Maine did not have a branch of their bank! They had temporarily seized $6,000. I never saw one cent of it. And for Bill, he lives at his mother's house in Wareham, Mass and owns 30 acres and a camp here in Chesterville at the end of Adams Road! He laways puts what he owns under his brother's names. Which I find weird since each of his brothers have fathered daughters whom they never see nor pay child support for to the best of my knowledge. I wish I had known that it was a family thing! Yikes! Bill currently works out of a Boiler Maker's Union out of Pennsylvania and travels down there for most of the year. He collects unemployment out of Mass (since the cap there is alot more than Maine and he uses his mother's residence). He insures his truck in Maine, but according to Maine Child Support Enforcement-holds a Mass license! He never pays his taxes either. I am surprised the IRS does not gone after him for my child support as well! So, I have tried and gave enforcement tons of information to no avail. I feel like I have told my story to everyone in the world with no results! Every person I have talked to at enforcement has been surpirsed that it all has gone on so long! Why? I have no idea. I feel that child support enforcemment only goes after support for women who collect money from the state and forget about us Mom's who work. I am made to feel ashamed when I call in-with just their tone. Why? Again, I have no idea. I am proud of raising my children on my own and in providing well for them over the years. I only ask that the state work hard with my tax dollars and go after what I am legally entitled to. I have only asked for the state guidelines. Oh, Well...Also, it is sad that the only way a mother can get help from the state is to hire an attorney. With what money left over? I use each penny in giving my daughters a good life. I work hard to provide them with the best I can without help or very little when it trickles in. I sincerely feel that if the state worked harder to collect child support that is owned, there would be alot less women who depend on the state in any form. I also feel that the Unions are in some club where they know how to play the system in the case of child support. I have had court ordered garnishes on their pay since it seems, time began-it is so old! Yet, with each job site they work at, it is the responsibility of the person in charge to honor the wage garnishes. And not only that but when they collect unemployment in Mass or wherever-it never gets attached since it is out of state! I sincerely feel bad for those mothers out there relying on men to pay child support who work for the Unions. You would think that the unemployment-regardless of what state it is collected from-woud be in synch with the other states! Yet, at least Maine is not! I am just a little bit fed up and very tired at this point. I have long since completely relied on my own income to provide for the household. Any money that woud trickle in would be for fun items for the girls. Sometimes, I have had to rely on it during brief lengths of time. That was rough to say the very least! My dream has always been to take any money that actually comes in from child support and to put it into a trust for the girls alone. I hate that money (even if it is court ordered!) that I have had to beg for! I consider it tainted. I hate having to rely on it even for one minute. So sad.
So, know I am living in my dream finally realized. I have published two novels-the ones that took me years to write despite all I have been through! They can be found on my authorsite at www.sharondnovels.com . I am finishing up my third one on my ancestor as we speak. I have just finishid updating my farm website at www.mymainesheep.com and have brought them out to the world to view! Wish me luck! My oldest daughter is in college and has recently moved to North Carolina. I am very proud of her. My daughter Jacqui is in her junior year in high school and we are looking for colleges for her future art career. My youngest Tiffy is in the 6th grade. My younger two daughters no longer need services for they worked hard and met all of their goals! I am very proud of them as well! I am engaged to the man of my dreams, Rob Goding. He is my best friend and soulmate. He has been my rock through all of this and I love hanging out with him! He supports me compltely and helps out-something I am not used to at all! His two children are wonderful and exciting additions to the household! Our home is filled with laughter, music (both Rob and his daughter play guitar-and he is in the band Cadagan), peace and happiness. Something I have worked hard on my own for, yet is wonderful sharing with someone else for a change! I am very blessed and content. Writing this page, even if no one actually reads it, has been very healing for me. There are alot more details than what I have added here and will answer any questions. I can back everything up that I have written. It is not meant to bash anyone-but to bring the truth to light! I feel like alot has been lifted from my shoulders in airing it to the world! I would love this page to heal other women as well. Please feel free to ask any question or to add to this page. I love feedback and respect anyones's input to this page.
-Sharon Marie (Brooks, Pacher, Wikinson) Desruisseaux
March 24, 2011